The Top Five Meals, Ever

I am an eater – I love food. Always have, always will. I follow in the footsteps of my family, with whom I learned the ever-pervasive secrets of indulging in copious amounts of yum-yums and gaining weight. I know, it’s a secret not everyone can afford to learn. But when you do, hold onto it; cherish it; for you never know which meal will be your last.

This past weekend, I recently stumbled over my wife’s “Better Homes and Gardens” magazines, and I decided to indulge in the pictures of delectable glory: pictures of pies, stuffed bird meat, dainty appetizers. You name the festive fall holiday regular, it was there. And it was there in wonderful fashion, making itself known for all to see and embrace within their heart of hearts (that is, hoping their mother would make it for Thanksgiving).

In order to provide an accurately acceptable list of tasty treats and masticatory morsels, I will provide you with a list of my all-time favorite treats that I have been allowed to indulge in over the past few years. While I cannot conjure up all of the meals I saw this weekend in the magazine (my photographic memory is slowly fading), I would at least like to provide you with some idea of what I perceive as good – and we all know, my perception is what matters. This five-part list is my no means an end all, but it is, for the fall season, an appropriate guide to the warmth and comfort of great, family-oriented food.

1. Thanksgiving Day Turkey, complete with stuffingWe all know that this is some of the best meat ever, in the world, no questions asked. My brother recently presented the idea of frying a turkey for the big day (OMG!). What could be better than good meat prepared the Colonel Sanders way? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And couple this big bird with some mashed ‘taters, green bean casserole, and everything else that is supposed to accompany such a wonderful meal, you have an incredible surge of tryptophan putting you out in front of the tube. Embrace this season, my friends…

2. Fresh Honey Roasted Ham, spiral-cut In an effort to take advantage of those who do not eat the piglet, I posit that this is some of the sweetest-tasting meat you will ever encounter. When cooked right, the juices have entered every nook and cranny of Babe, while at the same time…”cutting the fat!” (Thanks Ron Popeil). This goes amazingly well with the same types of appetizers you find on a Thanksgiving day dinner table, and…oh my heavens…sometimes we allow ourselves to indulge in both, at the same time! While tis may seem like gluttony, it is simply an appreciation for the finer things in life. Tags: Dad putting both meats in a sandwhich, Dad wrapping both meats in a bologna blanket.

3. Roast Brisket with Sauce Oh, whoever decided to use this part of the cow was guaranteed a spot in heaven. Whatever inclination this person had was just fine with me, because this, my friends, is some of the finest meat I have ever tasted in my life. The best part, though, is that it takes about 8 hours to prepare. This means that the whole day, you will be smelling the savory juices and spices circulating in that crock-pot. The tension gradually builds, and culminates with the first bite into that succulent meat. But it doesn’t stop there: the sauce is the often under-considered part of the meal. These two go so well together, I am surprised that it can be found in  Betty Crocker cook book – you would have thought they stored this recipe at Fort Knox it’s so valuable. But I won’t complain…

4. White Bean Chili If there is any indication that chili should be a standalone meal, let me clear up any confusion: YES! Why have I not seen the likes of meals such as this before college? I don’t know how many kinds of beans are used in this chili, but I know that they all compliment the rest of the seasoning and the absurd amount of chicken that goes along with it. Again, making use of the crock pot makes delayed gratification something you can finally appreciate; but what sets this meal apart from the rest is the fact that Jalapenos are thrown in, adding some spice by the spoonful. Breakfast, lunch or dinner – it can even replace dessert.

5. Biscuits and Gravy (Gravy and Biscuits for the dyslexic population) If you have ever been woken up by the sweet smell of warm, buttery biscuits and sausage-filled gravy, you know that ecstasy has a twin. That twin usually makes it way to me about once a week, and I find myself never wanting him to leave. This meal is perfect, especially after it has snowed a bit, and you are forced to go outside and labor on a Saturday; while the laboring isn’t that great, the reward comes, and that right quickly. I try to get two bowl-fulls, knowing that I can burn off the fat (which should be left on in true Tennessee fashion) another day. Sitting down to a nice college football game makes this meal all the more scrumptious.

It is sad to know that Thanksgiving and Christmas do not stay, knowing that family (and food) are fairly seasonal. However, when we polish off the last bit of goodness left behind, we know that the next equivalent to that meal only some 360 days away, give or take a few. Patience is what keeps us going, and we know that we can make it another year. After all, these wonderfully wafting wanton desires would grow old if we ate them every day; we can’t have their luster turn to peanut-butter and jelly, right?