Awesome! Finally, a movie worth spending someone else’s money on!

Go, Speed Racer!Carefully, anyway – we don’t want to see anything too dangerous. Well, I do; but that’s beside the point.I am moderately thrilled about the release of Speed Racer, slated to be released sometime in ‘08. I never really watched the cartoon, but had some friends that were distantly connected (via older siblings). I think it will be great, and I can give you some reasons why.

1. There will probably be cars going at incredibly high speeds.  From the small tidbits I have seen on the internet, it looks something like Podracing on steroids, hopefully without some stupid little kid yelling things that George Lucas thought would be funny, and even worse, culturally relevant. I love fast race scenes, especially when I think someone will explode against the side of a building, or be impailed by an out-of-control piece of rubble. Whatever the case, I am looking forward to seeing people (all computer generated, of course) die.

2. There may be acting worth watching in 2008. After most of the movies released in 2007, I was somewhat disappointed by the lackluster performances that actors/lucky Denny’s night cook put forth. I am hoping, therefore, that what we see in “SpeedRacer” will be worthy of some kind of award – maybe a handful of banana peels at the red carpet release, maybe some hissing and booing, possibly even a golden globe. We’ll see. 

3. I am sure that two people will purport some kind of love-scene that induces vomiting for me and the rest of the audience. In every movie where some guy has something to prove due to a jagged past, there is always some girl who helps him find his way; eventually, they realize they need each other, in some sick, fornicatious, unnaceptable manner. No doubt, SR wil have something like this. Puke. Also, since movies are  moving in a direction that accepts hugging and kissing without clothes (double puke), it may win an award (see number 2). 

 

4.  I am planning on winning a gift card of some type to go see this movie – erego, I will not have to spend my own money on the ticket. However, I will have to plan to take the time and actually go see this thing. Planning equals money, because planning equals time. Getting ready costs money as well, in the form of clean clothes (water and electricity), shaving (household items), the restroom, bathing, getting drinks ready (water, water, water), driving there (gas), walking (I’m fairly lazy), etc. 

 

 Oh my gosh, forget it. Unless I get a gift card worth my whole month’s salary, I can’t afford to go see this freaking thing.