Awesome! Finally, a movie worth spending someone else’s money on!

Go, Speed Racer!Carefully, anyway – we don’t want to see anything too dangerous. Well, I do; but that’s beside the point.I am moderately thrilled about the release of Speed Racer, slated to be released sometime in ‘08. I never really watched the cartoon, but had some friends that were distantly connected (via older siblings). I think it will be great, and I can give you some reasons why.

1. There will probably be cars going at incredibly high speeds.  From the small tidbits I have seen on the internet, it looks something like Podracing on steroids, hopefully without some stupid little kid yelling things that George Lucas thought would be funny, and even worse, culturally relevant. I love fast race scenes, especially when I think someone will explode against the side of a building, or be impailed by an out-of-control piece of rubble. Whatever the case, I am looking forward to seeing people (all computer generated, of course) die.

2. There may be acting worth watching in 2008. After most of the movies released in 2007, I was somewhat disappointed by the lackluster performances that actors/lucky Denny’s night cook put forth. I am hoping, therefore, that what we see in “SpeedRacer” will be worthy of some kind of award – maybe a handful of banana peels at the red carpet release, maybe some hissing and booing, possibly even a golden globe. We’ll see. 

3. I am sure that two people will purport some kind of love-scene that induces vomiting for me and the rest of the audience. In every movie where some guy has something to prove due to a jagged past, there is always some girl who helps him find his way; eventually, they realize they need each other, in some sick, fornicatious, unnaceptable manner. No doubt, SR wil have something like this. Puke. Also, since movies are  moving in a direction that accepts hugging and kissing without clothes (double puke), it may win an award (see number 2). 

 

4.  I am planning on winning a gift card of some type to go see this movie – erego, I will not have to spend my own money on the ticket. However, I will have to plan to take the time and actually go see this thing. Planning equals money, because planning equals time. Getting ready costs money as well, in the form of clean clothes (water and electricity), shaving (household items), the restroom, bathing, getting drinks ready (water, water, water), driving there (gas), walking (I’m fairly lazy), etc. 

 

 Oh my gosh, forget it. Unless I get a gift card worth my whole month’s salary, I can’t afford to go see this freaking thing. 

Christmas Time and Santa the Liar…

I try to be a realist. Even when my heart tells me something, I have trained my brain to veto the little red organ in my chest, as I know that feelings (usually) are invalid, especially when it comes to holidays and the childhood nostalgia associated. That is why I was pleased to see this story featured on Yahoo! News today, the 4th of December.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071203/od_afp/swedenchristmaskyrgyzstansantaoffbeat_071203163428

That link will take you to the truth of the matter, no ifs, ands or buts about it. What is particularly satisfying is knowing that all of those children who I argued with over the years were wrong, and horribly wrong at that. The article basically states, among other things, that Santa only has 34 microseconds to deliver presents at each house. Even though he has 48 hours to do it (the direction he travels in gives him an extra day), he has practically no time to drop off the toys. Also, his reindeer would have to go at speeds of over 3500 miles per second. Per second. Does anyone else see a problem with this? Light travels at 186,282 miles per second – why would Santa be able to replicate speed similar to that? Short answer: he can’t. Sorry. I know it’s kind of a heart breaker for the little ones, but they need to know, for the sake of truth.

 While it may seem repugnant to post a story that denounces the fancy of Santa, I need to be the beacon of truth for kids in this day and age, especially after hearing what they are being taught in schools (or, more appropriately, what they aren’t being taught in schools). So here it is, point number one: Santa, even if he did exist, would not work this hard to get presents to thousands – millions, even – of kids who, quite honestly, don’t deserve them. That’s just the fact of the matter. And point number two: you parents are simply adding fuel to the fire by purporting this lie for years on end. Take the truth to heart and heed the facts that I have provided for you: Santa does not exist. Except in the malls from November to mid-December.

Why I Have Resorted to Limiting My Own Thought Processes

I have been told that my “blogs” (so trendy) are too long. So, I will be resorting to more limited (both in length and in content) entries. Rather than bore everyone with continual ramblings (which is what my blog is about anyway), I would much rather heed the warnings of others, and limit the amount of space I am taking up.

You may ask, “Dave, are you being sarcastic?”

No, not at all…

Another person had mentioned that this blog was not what he expected. How unfortunate that I cannot live up to the dreams and demands of that pill-pusher. I truly regret that my entry does not make you giggle under your breath while you read it at work. How dissapointing it must be that you cannot find more humor in my musings.

All in all, I don’t mind the constructive criticism of my own creative liberites. I think it’s great…just like Communist Russia.

First entries are always a littel nerve-wracking…

This is my first time writing anything on wordpress – on any blog, for that matter. I have never done anything like this before, and to be honest, it feels a little awkward.

 I was the kind of person who always disavowed the uses that Myspace had to offer. No, I don’t have a Myspace page, but in my haste I realize that it has its uses for the younger generation of thrill-seeking sex addicts looking to shack up and get it on. That’s fine; that’s their (your) thing. Keep doing what you do. Go for the gold.

I will simply dip my toe in the waters of web-wandering at my own leisure, testing, analyzing, and retesting before I plunge in like a fat kid at a pool party. I have nothing to gain by throwing caution to the wind and immersing myself in an electronic world. Chatting does not appeal to me, I hardly ever use my Yahoo! instant messenger. Why then, you may ask, have I decided to initiate a blog page? Blogging? For crying out loud, I don’t even care to read what I have written. Reading is really a challenge for me, and I can’t stand the thought of having to scroll through someone else’s nothingness. I guess what spurred me on to start a blog was the fact that I can write what I want to for those who are even remotely interested (family, mostly) without the danger of interactive dialogue, getting interrupted, you know, that stuff. I can be 100% dogmatic and not be challenged.

Unless, of course, the readers challenge me within their minds, in which case they have already won, and this blog means nothing to them, except an opportunity for them to brush up on their “false-argument” skills.